Tomorrow I start my first position after graduating college with a degree in Environmental Engineering. I’m so nervous. I feel like I’ve already screwed up. They sent me a list of documents to complete. I printed them out a week ago and just began to complete them an hour ago. It didn’t take long but there was a few that I could have already returned to the sender. I know this isn’t a major issue but I don’t want to start on the wrong foot. My mind keeps thinking maybe I should abort. Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped straight into a job 3 weeks after graduating when I’ve been working since I was 15. Maybe a longer break would have made me more prepared. However, I went to an amusement park today with my boyfriend. I haven’t been on a rollercoaster in years. And haven’t been to a water park probably since I was 8. But I didn’t want him to miss out on doing anything of the attractions, so I sucked up my fear and went for it. I actually can’t recall if I’ve ever been down a water slide, so climbing 5 flights of stairs to the one he wanted to do was frightening. Right before it was our turn, (it was a set of 4 different slides) the girl in front of us chickened out. I wanted to take her hand and walk her down the stairs so I too could escape my nerves. But she decided to go down after her father came up to console her. So I went too, mostly because again I didn’t want my boyfriend to go it alone. It was great and half as scary as I predicted. I’m trying to view this start in the same way, not allowing my emotions from seeking out a great opportunity. While writing the email for the few documents that had to be returned electronically, I began to see everything I accomplished in the last four years. I attached my hazwoper 40 certificate and EIT license and recalled the stress that both has caused. I did the hazwoper 40 in 4 days, which is taught at my college as a semester long course. I studied at least a couple hours a week for three months for the EIT exam, and found the actual exam to be much easier than what I studied for. The day of graduation I felt no feeling of pride or accomplishment as one would have expected. It had all happened so fast. I could only stand to keep up with my assignments and exams while working a couple of jobs at a time and learning the ropes of living on my own for the first time with my significant other. Instead on the day of graduation I felt that maybe I had made a mistake. I am a very black and white person. I know what I want for my life. I want a farm and to know the feeling of feeding, housing, and clothing myself entirely from the fruit of my own labor. I can start that dream whenever, and learn the skills I will need to live that life while following this career path. I feel accomplished at this moment. Let’s see if I feel this way at 8 AM tomorrow morning in dress pants and a button up.
my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.
